The Killing Moon
by Ilandere Okami
Summary: I don’t think I’ve ever really told anyone all my secrets. There are just some things meant to be left unsaid, some things that nobody would understand. - Light's in Mu, but w/ two things for company: the moon, and L. Werewolf!Light, LxLight, one-shot


**Author's Note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LIGHTO!! Oh, and yes, Light's name in kanji is "moon." Please ignore that, for it has no place in this story, but could, if you wanted. ^-^' I might've just realized that ****a few days after writing this...**

**This story contains, as you can tell by the summary, werewolves. Namely one: Light. I've seen plenty of vampire!L stories, one or two vampire!Light stories, but rarely is there werewolf!Light stories. ****Well, once people realize this little detail about this day, Light's 24th birthday, I think there might be a few stories: Tonight is a full moon. Freaky right? All my research is in the bottom author's note,****so I won't bore you now. But I will say this: dates are correct. ((And yes, I did write this around Valentine's Day. ^_-))**

**Obviously, **"This is dialogue."_And this is Light's thought dialogue._

**Warnings: I wrote this as I went along w/o ANY plotline. ^-^' There's slight LxLight yaoi, but not even close to a kiss...Oh, and I don't know how wolves act, but I do know dogs...I have two and****have been learning about them since birth practically. Wolves are wild, and, to me, dogs are tamed. Light is more dog-like b/c he is in control. I hope that makes sense and doesn't take away from****everything.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. And I can't say I own this idea either…((though I COMPLETELY made it up as I went along)). I also don't own "The Killing Moon," by the Distants. ((And no, it****doesn't fit the story very well, but I loved the title too much and it had better fitting lyrics than "Moonlight."))**

**PS: There's one part that states ((AN)), and this is what you need to read: "Moonlight" by Kamelot started playing when I was writing that part. Scary, right?!**

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The Killing Moon

I don't think I've ever really told anyone all my secrets. There are just some things meant to be left unsaid, some things that nobody would understand. One of them, obviously, was my being Kira, the almost-God of the New World he was creating. Another was my asexuality. I just wasn't physically attracted to anybody, but that wasn't part of the plan. Nothing I did really went under this plan my parents had for me.

Especially my biggest secret, the one that even L couldn't figure out…

~*~

Exactly one month from the day I died, the day Ryuk wrote my name in the Death Note, January 28 to February 28. Thirty-one days living in the dark void of nothing that is Mu. The only company I have, the only way that I actually know when time passes, when the day turns to night back on Earth, is the moon.

Here, in the darkness, is a huge moon above my head. It wanes and waxes, corresponding with the moon people alive can see. How can something substantial be in Mu, you ask? Simple, I can never reach it. It's as if I am still all alone, the way it should be. I knew I would wind up in Mu from the very beginning. This, however, is a modified nothingness, only for me.

I sold my soul to the Death Note, yes. Once I wrote that first name down in that accursed book, I sealed my fate. Yet, my fate was already set long before Ryuk dropped the Death Note to Earth.

Years ago, when I was still in junior high, the day of my thirteenth birthday. A full moon lit up the night as I went for a walk, needing to get away from my overbearing parents. They had forced me to have a birthday party, to which I had to invite everyone in my class. By that time, I had learned my place in the school world.

I was a geek, a nerd. The worst part, though, was that, while I liked learning, I wasn't one of the smartest kids. I wasn't the most athletic either, not that anyone would've known; I refused to do sports of any kind to prove my physical strength or stamina—or lack-there-of. And I wasn't even that cute of a guy, definitely not handsome.

So, I was tired from the stupid party where kids made fun of me and goofed off with each other…excluding the birthday boy. Of course, my parents turned a blind eye, thinking I was popular because of how many people showed up. Wrong: my mom just made good food, and Sayu, then 8, was fun to play with. When the last kid left our house, I went up to my room and feigned getting ready for bed and going to sleep.

As the last light in the house turned off, I snuck out through my window, needing time to myself in the fresh air I always loved.

I sigh now, remembering all of this, remembering that fateful night. I look towards the moon, shining bright in this ever-darkness. I see faces in the glowing orb, but not that damn "man on the moon." No, I see the faces of all those who I killed, all those I used…and L. His face is visible the most often, and every time, I have the feeling he is watching me.

My skin warms, a feeling I have never forgotten, no matter how long since the last time. The hairs on my arms and legs, my torso and back, my hands and feet, and even my face all prickle and stand on end. I knew this would happen…for all eternity, this will happen.

Before anything continues, I feel that same presence I always feel when I see L's face in my moon. The feeling of him watching me is stronger than usual, though.

"This isn't like the Mu Teru Mikami or Kiyomi Takada lives in. Theirs are completely nothing. Care to explain, Light-kun?" Well, that explains why his gaze seems so much stronger.

Without turning around to face the man who sent me to my early demise, this prison when I was only twenty-three, I growl, "What are you doing here?" Though I try to keep the same calm mask I adopted since my thirteenth birthday, I know my face is contorted in rage.

Still calm, L responds, "Visiting an old friend on his birthday. Now, could he explain why there is a moon that seems to mimic that of Earth's in the middle of his nothingness?" I hate this man, hate him! How can he be so calm in the presence of a killer, huh? He tried so hard to lock me up, and now…now he calls me an old friend.

Instead of giving any sort of explanation, I ask, "How's heaven?" My voice seems to hold a forced casualness. An offhandedness that is so fake that someone as brilliant as L could only just scoff at it. My nerves are acting up, my mask completely gone, melted. I knew that it would be left on Earth when I died, but I also thought it didn't matter, because I would never see anyone ever again. Wrong, yet again.

"I don't believe in heaven." His voice remains passive, also casual, but naturally sounding so. Anger boils through my blood as it is boiling in other ways. I want him to leave before it's too late. I don't want him to see me…

"Then where did you go when you died?" I inquire. I've always believed in a heaven and hell, though never a God. That's what I decided to do, become a God on Earth. Though that didn't work out too well, L's words make me wonder. How can he not go to heaven even if he didn't believe in it? Did he go to hell? Someone like him…it would've been a hard decision if you ask me.

"My soul went into the one who I was closest to in my life, yours. Your soul, however, didn't seem to be there. Instead, I lived in a dark void not unlike this one. But I thought it fun to watch the world through your eyes." The very eyes he apparently used widen, not that I can see anything more by doing that. Was there really no heaven? "No, there is a heaven, for those who believe, I guess," he answers my unvoiced question.

With this, I finally spin around to make sure I'm not just going crazy, that he was really there. L stands in his normal slouch, thumb to his lip, other resting against his bare leg—where his jeans pocket must've been when alive. The nakedness doesn't bother me; I know I am naked too. Clothes shouldn't matter anymore.

Staring directly into his eyes, I question, "Then where are we now?" We…he was in Mu with me…I wasn't alone…because I killed him—however indirectly—and his soul merged with my own, or where my soul was supposed to be. Though this makes little sense, I let it sink in as much as possible.

"Isn't it obvious? You believed in heaven, hell, and Mu, so that is where you went when you died. We are not contained in anyone's soul, but I think mine had taken the place of yours. That is why I am forever with you, in this dark nothingness with only a moon to hide my presence from your eyes." He smiles slightly, his smile that I so rarely saw when we were both alive, yet one that plagued many a nightmare of mine in recent years.

My eyebrows furrow and I let my gaze wander south. I had seen L naked almost every night and morning for a few months, when we were chained together. As I said earlier, I'm not attracted to anyone physically. This includes L. His body means nothing to me, his voice doesn't drown out any other sound and caress my face, his eyes don't bore deep into my own and make me lost, his scent doesn't intoxicate me…No, it's his mind. That's what I could never forget.

"Now that I've provided my explanation, will you give yours? I ask again. Why is there a moon and where was your soul? Even if it was sold when you used to Death Note, that does not mean that it was gone from your very being." My eyes snap back up to his.

Once again, I growl. This time, though, it's more animalistic. I can feel my teeth elongating. "Isn't it obvious?" I mimic his earlier question. "This is what I sold my soul to, what I sold my soul for!" I can't believe I was able to hold it back this long.

My body begins to shake, and memories flood through my mind, of the first time this happened, of the other times, though I refused to let my body take control most times. If I didn't go outside, if I didn't let my body feel the moonlight **((AN))** wash against my skin, then it was almost as if tricking myself, so this didn't happen. That was the only way I survived my confinement and time chained to L himself.

All my muscles tense, the hair that had been sticking up on end all over my body starts to grow dark, thick. My face contorts in pain as my very skeleton reshapes itself. I howl out, which turns into a real howl the longer I hold it.

When the last of the echoes fade, I look up through gold and red eyes into eyes as dark as my surroundings. L is frightened. He is shocked and scared, curious and freaked out. What he sees is a wolf with fur the same auburn color as my hair, panting hard from the change.

I let out a husky, yet human laugh. My form forbids me from talking normally, and instead I must project my voice into L's own thoughts. _You weren't expecting this, were you?_ I ask.

"No, no I wasn't. This is my final warning, explain now," he commands with a shaking voice. I pride myself in that, that I could make even the great L lose his cool.

I laugh again. Instead of answering no, I decide to humor him. _I sold my soul to the moon._ I hope that helps. It doesn't. I receive a heavy glare. But he steps forward tentatively. I don't move. I feel no need to harm him. It would do nothing except ruin our eternity together.

"That doesn't make sense to me. Light-kun realizes this, doesn't he?" My lips curve up into a smirk, also showing off some teeth and fangs.

_Fine, I'll explain. Happy?_ He nods his head slightly. I saunter over to him on my paws, circling his legs a few times before leaning against them with most of my weight. I know I seem like a dog, but most people I encountered in this form ran the other way—a wolf, run! A harmless, soulless wolf, come and chat.

L is the first person I have ever told my secret, even though I have barely said anything yet. Already, I can feel my chest less constricting, the weight lifting from my shoulders. I never knew I held this need to tell someone.

He refuses to lose his ground and instead pushes against my rips slightly and sits down on the ground—or whatever we're standing on here—in his normal way. I sit next to him, leaning against his body still, but now staring in his eyes.

No matter how much I never wished to share one of my secrets, I openly do so now. _My thirteenth birthday was also a full moon. I snuck out of my house that night to go for a walk once everyone was asleep. _He nods his head in understanding and I go on, backtracking a little so what happened next makes more sense.

_Before I continue, I want you to know that I wasn't always the handsome, brilliant, cunning Light Yagami you knew. In fact, I used to be…average. _I give a snort-like laugh. _I was unpopular, a geek who enjoyed learning, but didn't have anything to give back._

I think this comes as a shock to L. He stares at the moon and I watch his eyes, wanting so badly to know what he's thinking. If only I had practiced longer in this form, let myself transform more often, I would be able to read people's thoughts, not just know their every move.

_I encountered a man and a woman in the park near my house. They were beautiful, almost as much as the moon itself. They saw the sadness and pain in my heart, through my eyes, and offered me a trade. They'd give me these amazing powers, including being as beautiful and handsome as they, as well as almost every ability you saw I had, including my tennis prowess…all in exchange for my soul. L, you have to understand, they promised me popularity, good looks, and the brains I wanted so badly, and all I had to do was give them something I didn't believe in!_

L looks back at me, sadness also in his eyes. He knows the sacrifice I made, the thing I so stupidly let go. I continue with closed eyes, unable to look at him in the eye. _They seduced me to into doing it, too, you know. I was averse to the idea at first, but their charm…_I sigh. _And so, I went through excruciating pain and couldn't go home all night because I had turned into a wolf. They quickly explained to me all the powers I would get over time, as well as all my restrictions._

"You're a werewolf?" L suddenly asks. I nod, still without looking at him. His skin feels nice rubbing against my skin through my fur. _I easily found loopholes in their rules. _"That's why you didn't turn at all when I watched you…" he muses aloud. _I'm actually pretty lucky you started surveillance of my house the day after I turned. It would have been weird to be stuck inside like a hermit all night, especially when I should've been attending cram school. Otherwise, wouldn't it have been suspicious for me to be missing all night long?_

He smiles at me; I can sense it. "Until the moon sets, you will be stuck like this, right?" he asks. Once more, I nod. My tail sweeps against the dark ground a few times. The motion is calming and stretches muscles that haven't stretched in ages.

_The moon…holds my soul. Those people I met were from the moon itself, I think. That is why I always feel such an attraction to it, to the night. But I detest the time of the full moon, when either my body must go through the excruciating pain you just witnessed, or I must remain out of the moonlight until dawn. I believe there was once a moon in the daylight, and it was full…I couldn't come out of the woods—after I escaped school of course—until the next day. _With a chuckle, I add, _My parents were so worried…_

Before I can go on, L says, "What of your parents now?" I think on that for a moment. I never told them of this trade, never explained anything, really. L asks of my parents, the people I hid my true self from the most. My mother, who I've tortured enough, who now has nobody but a shell of a daughter. Sayu, who had loved me and looked up to me, but I let down, actually considering letting Mello keep her. My father…who I killed, and yet he always believed in my innocence.

My grief is accidentally sent to L. Damn, I really ought to have practiced more when alive. His hand comes to rest atop my head, rubbing it lightly. The motion, though awkward and jerky, has a sentimental feel to it that causes me to lie down, head on my front paws, eyes closing slowly.

"You didn't do any of that, Light-kun," L breaks the deafening silence. My eyes open and I jerk my head up to look at him. His movements cease and I almost let out a whimper from loss of contact. Staring directly at me, my inhuman eyes, he says, "_You_ didn't kill your father, or force your sister into that comatose state. Remember, I was inside of you during all of this; I could see that hidden bit in the back of your mind that regretted all that happened to everyone you knew, who hated yourself. No…the part of you that was still Light Yagami, pushed deep into a corner by Kira, the thing that took over your body." His hand unconsciously went back to petting me.

My eyes are questioning. "Kira did all that; Kira didn't care about your family. Light did, but he couldn't get free once your memories came back. And when I died, I knew you shoved your petty emotions away further, so you wouldn't have to go through the pain of the loss of a friend." A sad smile washes across his face and I force myself to nuzzle his legs until he lets them down, giving myself a place to put my head.

_And Kira took advantage of the skills I was given through the power of the moon…_ "Not realizing that if he didn't practice them in their true form, they would not develop…" _And they would become rusty until one day…_

_He'd lose. _  
"He'd lose."

We say it at the same time, after completing each other's thoughts. By this time, I'm standing with my front paws on L's legs and my muzzle inches away from his face.

It's not his face that I'm attracted to, no, it's not. It's not his voice, or his eyes, or his hands still resting in my fur. It may be his fearlessness of having a wolf right in his face, or the fact that he was able to understand even quicker than I could all those years ago.

Or…maybe…it was L himself. L, who I had tried so hard to forget, just so the little bit of myself that remained locked away in the back of my mind wouldn't mourn endlessly.

My body relaxes and I lie down on top of L's legs. He doesn't mind and instead continues his earlier petting.

How long has it been since I turned? How long did I hold off the change to begin with? What time is it back in the world of the living? My body is tingling again, the feeling unnatural, and yet welcome. L senses it, too. I think we're somehow linked. Am I right to assume that because my soul was sold to the moon, it wound up here until my conscious self came with once I died…But because L's soul took the place of my own once he died, he came with, and therefore we are as linked as earlier words had proven?

"I believe so, Light-kun," L says in my ear before shifting so his legs are no longer under me. "I don't think it wise to be too close to Light-kun when he transforms back." He does have a point.

The burning spreads through my whole body and turns to prickles of pain where each of my hairs recedes back into my skin. My bones once again twist and pull, reshaping into a human skeleton. My eyes are shut tight in pain; my body curls into a ball about the size of my wolf self.

The pain stops abruptly, and I open my eyes to see no moon, meaning the day has risen on Earth in Japan's Kanto region, where I lived most of my life. That is the time zone the moon goes by, when to appear, disappear…

Arms suddenly wrap around me, pulling me into a warm embrace. One of L's hands reaches up to wipe away tears I haven't realized I shed during the change. "This is what you must endure every full moon?" he asks.

All I can do is nod my head against his chest, arms coming to wrap around his torso. My bones are still aching from the strain put on them. They always hurt afterwards, but that was something I had forgotten, unlike the feeling of transforming from one creature to another.

I'm worn out, and don't want to move. I've yet to understand sleep in a nonexistent world such as Mu, seeing as I haven't needed it so far. But now…now I do. I'm tired, my body melting into L's hold. My eyes drift closed and his hand pets my hair much like how he did when I was a wolf.

~*~

When I next open my eyes—even though it seemed like only a few seconds, like a blink—the moon is once again visible. "Wait, I can sleep?" I ask L, confused.

He cocks his head to the side in wonder. "It seems so," he responds. His thumb reaches to his lips and I finally take in our position, me lying atop him, both of us naked. I quickly scramble off him, a blush warming my cheeks slightly. "Light-kun…" L murmurs.

"What?" I ask indignantly.

"Why has your attitude changed so much? You're so…innocent now, almost as if you're the eighteen-year-old Light Yagami I used to know…" His eyes are wistful and I begin to glare. Innocent? Where did that come from? I'm the same Light as I was earlier.

At my continued silence, L gives his own explanation of my apparent multiple personalities. "When Kira took over your body again, Light Yagami the teenager was pushed aside and unable to witness the world and mature through that. Because of this, I think Kira was the one that aged in your body and Light was left an eighteen-year-old in the back of your mind. Once you came here, your curse and your secrets and your grief weighed you down so that Kira hadn't truly left you."

He pauses to see if I still understand. I think I do. "Once you shared your secrets—more or less—with me, and went through the transformation you had been denying your body for years…as well as coming to terms with what Kira had done, but not you, all the weight lifted from your shoulders. All that was the twenty-three-year-old Light Yagami vanished, leaving behind, as you slept, the eighteen-year-old that is the real remains of Light Yagami. This is the self that was shoved away when Kira took over, the self that was meant to die when your time came."

"And so I'm eighteen again?" I ask, not really believing. His words barely register, just not making any sense. But there really isn't any logic anymore, is there?

A smirk crosses his lips. "If only I had a mirror." My eyes widen. I am physically eighteen again, aren't I? I shake my head in disbelief, but L pulls me to him again. "Now we are the same ages that we are meant to be, you eighteen and me twenty-five—did you know I died five days after my birthday?" he asks as if inquiring about the weather. I did the mental math and realized he was born on Halloween. Hmm…suits him.

"I see you remember my death day…," he whispers into my ear.

"How could I forget?" I reply, melancholy again. We both sigh.

But L lifts my chin to look at him. "I repeat. You didn't kill me. Rem did, through Kira. You were already gone by then." I can feel how it pains him to say something like that. We really are connected, able to read each other's minds—he more than I, at the moment—and feeling each other's emotions…

I twist around in his arms to face the moon shining over our heads, just beginning to wane. It's comfortable, his body pressed against mine, silence wrapping us in a cozy blanket…eternity washing away any and all regrets we may have had in the past.

_I think I love you…_

**Author's Notes: Aww, I loved that ending! ((Yes, it was unexpected to me.))**

**Alrighty, so I found out that the full moon was gonna be on Feb 28 this year, which is Light's birthday. Freaky as that is, I needed a topic for his birthday story. Another freaky thing? ****Trying to find any other times the full moon was on his birthday while he was alive, I searched and searched and finally winded up on Wikipedia. Guess what? The name of the full moon in "mid ****winter," associated w/ the month of February, is called the "Wolf Moon." Yes, that's right. Native Americans called Jan's full moon the "Wolf Moon" though, but other names for Feb.'s include "Hunger ****Moon," "Storm Moon" and "Candles Moon."**

**Right, back to what I was saying: Other years w/ a full moon on Light's b-day while he was alive: 1991, Near's birth year, just saying...So fucking close in 1994...New moon 1995...Either full or almost ****so ((second in the month, then)) in 1999...starting to wane, so almost full in 2002...just barely waxing from a new moon in 2006...Which brings us back to 2010 full moon!**

**Once again, I will state that I had no plot for this story, wrote it in two days, the day before and the day after Valentine's Day ((I spent the real day w/ my stage crew buddies! Best mini-after-cast- ****party-crew-party ever!)), and really had no idea what to do. I hope the ending is okay. I got the vision of them watching the moon and wanted to end it like that. Review! Also, I focused a lot on ****meshing up my "style" as DIMS puts it, as well as focusing on making sure it wasn't dry, like a few other quickies I've done. ^-^**

**OH AND PLEASE READ THIS: I know that this is almost completely explantion w/ very little plot. Because of this, I'd be so honored if someone - or multiple people - wanted to write stories based ****around this. They could be pre-wolfy!Light, Light w/ his wolfy powers, or even time in Mu w/ L and Light. Anything you want, as long as you credit me and this story, and message me w/ the story. ****Sorry, no prize from me for the best one, 'cause I got a lot of things going on, but I guarentee you'll be mentioned somewhere on my profile! ^-^**


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